Longing
by kolabear-hinata
Summary: "I have never  loved you."these word that shatered her heart. bruised and boken and alone who will she turn to?Who will be her saviour? And will they both be able to quench their longing? R&R please.Sakura x Kakashi
1. Chapter 1

Soft delicate curls of smoke rose up silently in the empty apartment. She held a shiny silver spoon in loosely in one hand whilst the other toyed with a stray lock of hair. Head stuffed onto a plush pillow her empty glazed eyes stared of into the white nothing which was the ceiling. The faint aroma sweet aroma of her camomile and spiced apple tea danced around the room as if moving to the steady a-thump of her heart.

Calm.

The first time in long time she felt like this and let herself go after a number of weeks. How she had gotten to this Zen point was a wondrous miracle. As she thought of this, images began to take form on how the present came to be. The first was his face; His tragic eyes and sad smile, then the words that had shattered the glass shard that was once her heart.

* * *

" I have never loved you."

His voice reverberated in her ears, smashing through all the dreams she had had with him in them.

"Never." He repeated. Silence.

Could her ears be deceiving her? Could her eyes? If it was a gen-justu then let it be so, she wanted to awaken and be rid of the sharp twisting sickness in her core. She fell back into the chair that was behind her as her legs gave way to the intense pressure that was building.

"...what..." her voice scratched out, barely a whisper. She stared down at the table in front of her.

"Sakura?"

It was then she looked up into his eyes, and what she saw in them was enough to make her recoil yet again. The obsidian orbs were a dark void of swirling hate. Devoid of any other emotion.

"Why?" she stuttered, her hand involuntarily wiping her stained cheek. She hadn't realised the tears till then. They poured freely now streaking down her face.

The day wasn't meant to be like this. She had gone through the notions in her mind several times, varying the different scenarios and their endings. But none of them had led to this. Sasuke would have been released from his holding a changed man. He would have smiled upon seeing her face. He would have embraced her tenderly and thanked her for enduring through the years without him, for never quiting on looking for him and for helping him as an advocate through his trials. Then he would passionately drown her in a kiss and everything would disappear. But never like this.

"Sakura..." his voice brought her back, her heart aching soundlessly at her name on his lips. He sat down in the opposite chair across the table, further away from her, adjusted his thick black felt jacket and continued. "I never looked at you that way. I thought I made the lines pretty clear that we were just team mates. It was only by your misconceptions that you thought that way..." the words faded, so did everything around them as her brain began to throb. Was he trying to say that everything that had happened was her fault? She couldn't piece it together. The strings that held everything were breaking away. Her fist clenched tightly across her chest as if trying to steady her raging pulse, as if trying to hold on to her collapsing heart.

"Arigatou Haruno-san and Sayonara." He stood fluidly and disappeared into the pouring rain. She wanted to yell,scream, or punch something. Anything, but all her lame body could do was just sit there. Numb. Unseeing to the outside world, yet feeling turmoil on the inside.

Little did she know that someone had witnessed this ordeal and that they were raging on the inside just as she was. But the person just sat there tucked away in the furthest corner, away from the prying eyes in crowded restaurant . Forced to be forever the observer, watching and waiting as his blossom was crushed under foot and begin to decay. The nin stood silently covered head to toe in a black hooded cloak that blended seamlessly into the shadows.

"Release" the voice whispered. The figure melted away into nothingness taking all it had seen with it.

"Can I get you anything else Miss?" Sakura looked to the direction of the sound. The chirpy voice still ringing in her ears. " Miss? Are you okay?" the doe eyed waitress said blinking down at her. She must have looked really pathetic to deserve that look, but she couldn't care less. She swallowed and felt the hard lump that had formed roll slowly down her throat.

"Fine." She croaked. Looking down slowly to her hands that were clenched tightly on her lap she saw her knuckles white from the force at which she held them. She released them flexing, needing to feel the pain as the blood flooded back to the starved areas. The dull throb in her head became a full on roar as everything that had just happened began to fall into place. The room suddenly became too bright, the air around suffocating and noise far too loud despite the roar in her ears. Standing, she calmly made her way out of the small restaurant into the street despite all the internal commotion. She shadow ran to the secret training area in the forest near her apartment. Now alone in the rain she let herself feel. Feel the icy cold barrage of the droplets plastering her body, feel the rage, the sadness, the fear of being well and truly alone. Her shoulders sagged and she dropped to her knees splashing into the puddle under her feet. Her body doubled over shaking violently as she wailed silently into the night.

Shattered.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2- The Nin

"I guess not" replied the Nin, looking at the oval windows. The sky outside was overcast with steel gray cloud giants from the previous night's rain fall. Despite the warm rustic look of the office the air filtering through the windows was crisp and fresh.

"Kakashi?" the voice asked. He was attentive at once."I know how objective you are, but is no longer your mission anymore."

"What ever do you mean by that, Tsunade-sama?" he replied coolly beside the fact that recapping his findings had made his blood boil to the point of tasting the iron on his tongue.

"Cut the bullshit. Don't you think I already know?" she arched a well groomed brow. He trained his eyes onto her, pinning her with an icy glare. How could she possible know what he felt? She matched his look, increasing its intensity as she emphasised her words. "As Godaime Hokage it is part of my duty to be aware of the small things. No matter how small."

His face blanched and his left eye twitched underneath the soft woollen mask, other than that he showed no other signs of his inner turmoil. How? Was the question he kept returning to. She continued, her voice lowering with severity, "Kakashi you aren't getting any younger…" her face softened a notch "You are going to have to let what happened between you and Anko go."

Stepping away from the wall he un-crossed his arms, when he had crossed them he wasn't sure.

"Unless there are any more pressing issues, I will take my leave." He turned on his heel and strode to the door, taking a small curt bow before grasping the cold brass knob.

"Kakashi wait…"She didn't finish as she watched his figure disappear through the door, leaving a soft click as it shut in place. Hanging her head she took a deep breath and released it slowly. She was doing it for his own good, he just didn't know it. Pressing a small button on a rectangle box she spoke

"Shizune have today's afternoon appointments cancelled id like to have a little down time, reschedule them for early morning tomorrow."

"…Yes Godaime, Right away." The voice cracked off and Tsunade slumped down into her chair.

Outside in the hallway Kakashi jumped out of nearby window, free falling several meters down before leaping across Konoha's rooftops towards his abode. Touching down on his roof he perched on his haunches, taking a pause in the momentary calm before his thoughts returned to racing, like the wind had been through his silvery hair. FUCK! He was in way over his head. If it hadn't been for Anko this would have never happened. It was her fault as much as it was his for not noticing earlier. He had been in a whirlwind relationship with her which had ended on bitter terms. That had led him to being on a mission he should have never been assigned to.

Tsunade had appointed him to watch over the Uchiha boy and protect Sakura should the need have surfaced. But how was he supposed to have protected her from a broken heart? Raking a calloused hand through his hair, he sprung backward; somersaulting into the open window of his room. Landing on his feet, he whipped off his mask and proceeded to stalk into his en-suite bathroom. Glaring at his likeness he could see that time had been kind to him, but tell-tell signs were starting to show. He vaguely recalled what Tsunade had mentioned to him, along the lines of being younger and letting go? Somewhere in her talk he had zoned out, which wasn't good because Nin always need to be alert, and vigilant. He winced as her remembered how Sakura had been devoted to that Bastard! Her face beaming each time she showed up to his holding cell. Off course she had greeted Kakashi in passing which was something in the least. Sighing heavily, he opened the faucet and began to wash the perspiration on his face and those thoughts, away.

* * *

**A/N: I have decided to post this up, it has been a while and thats mainly because i didnt find the time to type up the written version. Most of the chapters have been written so they will be loaded as soon as i finish typing them up! ^.^ enjoy as the story unfolds! R&R please!**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3- Coincidence

On the other side of Konoha's, in the white sterile hallways of Konoha's general, Sakura was finishing her rounds. She had been at it the whole day since arrived promptly at 5:00 am.

Her long hair tied back into a tight bun and clothed in her pristine white overcoat, she strode down the hall popping in and out of rooms, clipboard in hand smile glued in place. As a result of trying to help Sasuke she was behind on both her paper work and her rounds. The day had been a monotonous wash, rinse, repeat cycle and It was now finally coming to an end. Turning a corner she slowed her brisk steps to a halt, it was her resident nurses and by the looks of it what they were twittering about was pretty hilarious. A shudder worked her spine at the high pitch of one of the little twats laugh; she didn't really see eye to eye with her shallow and vapid counter parts. She once thought Ino was bad but in comparison to them she was like a speck of dust in a sand storm. She really should have just walked away but being particularly tired she couldn't stand the nonsense. She took a step then she heard their voices carry.

"I heard that the moment he was released he fucked her brains senseless…"

"Oh no" another voice squealed. "Fucked her he did but no that way, he dropped her ass like the piece of shit she is!" To that they all threw their heads back and cackled. A solid lump formed in Sakura's throat and from the back of her head a violent throb began spreading slowly forward. Fists clenched she embraced that pain and twisted into the bitter sharp edged sword she would use to cut down these clueless whores.

Stepping out of the shadows she clapped slowly, the sound bouncing of the now quiet hallway. They all turned to look at her wide eyed, fear rolled off them as the sweat did on their brows. Yes, she would use it to her advantage. Her lips in a thin slash, she pinned them with a glacier glare.

"Hah, fucking hah." She whispered. She had thought her voice to come out more firm but this way it would be more sinister. She twisted her mouth into a smile and she saw them visibly shake.

"If… this is what you spend your days doing, you might as well get the fuck out of my hospital and never set foot in it again. But then again…" she paused watching each of their wretched faces,

"By the time I'm done with you, you will definitely need to be here." Walking over to the nearest chair she grabbed it and began pushing it together between her hands, watching with grim fascination as the metal began to bend to her will.

"I have had a very, long day and I won't tolerate any of this _**shit**_. If you value your pathetic lives and your jobs you will do what you are paid to do." She spat out and with a deafening crack the chair crumpled into a heap of plastic and metal. The nurses jumped back and began bowing and apologising simultaneously. She looked at them, and pitied them.

"Get out of my sight." They left promptly, scattering like the cockroaches they were.

Feeling the energy sap out of her she leaned onto the wall closest to her. Her head pounded in time to her heart as she felt it bleed. Trudging to her office she removed her coat and shoes and slipped on her black nin sandals and black leather coat and started home. The feel of the worn leather on her was like a hug from a friend. She breathed in its familiar scent and could feel her headache ease. She had gotten it for her 21st birthday from Kakashi and Naruto, though she suspected it was more from Kakashi. She smiled remembering when she had opened the badly wrapped present. Dodging a group of kids running, she bumped into someone and turned apology on her lips.

"I'm so sorry" she looked up.

"Sakura?" "Sensei" the voice mixed. Sakura stepped back and watched her sensei straighten up.

He spoke "fancy bumping into you like this." His eye wrinkled with a smile, the other under the mask as usual. He really hadn't been expecting a meet like this. He watched as a blush tinted her cheeks.

"Oh gosh, I am so sorry. Are you okay?" she reached for him, but he stopped her.

"I'm fine, should be asking you really. You don't look so hot." That was a lie.

"Im fine!" she said on a laugh. "Good actually, just coming from work." She pointed to the hospital which she knew, he knew where it was. Why was this awkward?

"Do you want a drink?" He said smiling, he could see right through her facade. She knew he was smiling because it touched his eye and it twinkled in the dim light of the setting sun.

"Uh..."

"Is that a yes?"

What? She had just been in this whole Sasuke thing, she shouldn't. Was it even a date? She looked down and saw him holding a bag of books from the local book store, along with some beers.

"I wouldn't want to disturb you" she said taking a few more steps backwards. He followed her gaze.

"Oh, this." he lifted the bag. "This was a start to a very long boring weekend. Besides I haven't seen you in a while. It will be my treat, like old times." He offered his hand. It was a low blow but he couldn't watch her slip from his grasp when she was so clearly distraught. He watched her process.

"Why not then." She returned the smile and took his hand. Grateful for the distraction, she hadn't been out in months ever since, no her mind would let her go there… Yes she needed this, and she hadn't seen Kakashi sensei in eons.

"This is almost like a date huh?" she joked hoping to diffuse the weird feeling in her gut. To that he chuckled and she could feel his muscles ripple on their linked arms and move into her.

"Come, there is this new place I'd like to try. Hope you aren't too tired"

"I'm a tough cookie, remember" she thumped his shoulder lightly and he exaggerated a wince.

They ambled down the road towards destination and fell into comfortable conversation. The sun had not long set and a breeze picked up sending the early autumn leaves flying. Throughout their conversation they could see the storm brewing because the sky was clear.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4- Just like the master is the student also

* * *

"So what can I get you?" The waitress asked slipping a pen and pad out of his pocket. Sakura looked at the menu her mind blanking out. She had been looking around and the place seemed cosy enough. It was most certainly new as the little love seats they sat on were still plump and undamaged by some poor fat ass. The mini private booth they were given still had its new-car-smell feel to it, minimally furnished with a few dismal looking potted plants in the corners which looked like they would have rather been outside revelling in what was now the rain. The storm had started luckily just after they had arrived to the quaint restaurant and inside was warm enough that she had to remove her jacket. The waiter gave a subtle cough but managed to keep his grin in check. He sidled closer toward her.

"May I recommend something?" he asked leaning forward into her space.

Kakashi who had already taken his order was watching this little show with little enthusiasm. He lazily crossed his arms and widened his shoulders, rolling them forward, he peered through his mask.

"I think she will have what I'm having, if that's okay Sakura chan?" He spoke grinning through the mask.

The waiter looked to him and took in his relaxed pose, it looked just like that but he managed to see the coil that was ready to spring. Sakura nodded and handed the menu over to him with an apologetic smile, oblivious to the territorial display. Without breaking stride the waiter backed away and gave a slick bow but not before noticing the smile that didn't touch Kakashi's eye. He left and moments later another waiter returned with a tray of assorted fresh vegetables, thinly sliced meat and two bowls of noodles, then placed it on the sleek surface of the ornate low table.

Kakashi thanked the man and proceeded to prepare the sukiyaki, frying the meat, adding sake and soy sauce then the vegetables and the noodles. Soon the tiny room was filled with savoury goodness that was cooking. Sakura sat and watched Kakashi as he expertly handled the food with the same grace he had on the battle field. Ambient music drifted in the comfortable silence. She breathed in and could almost taste the succulent beef. Salivating, her stomach rumbled and she realised with much shame she hadn't eaten her lunch.

"Don't worry, it won't be much longer" Kakashi said on a chuckle. He looked up and watched a crimson tide wash over her.

"Well…uh. I just happened to not have any lunch today." She said trying to retrieve the shreds of her dignity.

"Aren't you glad you joined me for dinner then?" he said the smile in his voice.

"Shut up sensei." To this he burst out laughing. A merry deep rumble, that Sakura felt go through her. She laughed too beside the situation.

"Sake for the lady." She nodded raising her cup and he poured the clear liquor into it before she did the same for him.

"Kampai." To this they drank down the drink. Sakura breathed out as she felt the warm sake wash down the bitter events of the day, replacing it with a warm glow.

"Long day huh?" Kakashi said refilling her cup, which she downed.

"Yah…definitely long" she said willing the sake to erase the images of those girls, she shook her head for extra measure. He took up a bowl and handed it to her and they served up the tasty food. As the food went down the sake went with it and soon the conversation was flowing smoothly. The tray was now empty and so were their plates. Several bottles of sake were dotted on the table from all the refills they requested. Their laughter wound down from some funny recollection of an incident; regarding Naruto, a tub of jam, and a very bored rich Lord.

"You are just like your sempai you know." Kakashi said leaning back into the plush of the sofa.

"Tsunade-sama? How so?" she fixed a stray lock of hair behind her ears and stretched out reclining back, her chest thrusting forward she felt the bones in her back popping back into place. Kakashi swallowed but was grateful once again for his mask.

He had been watching her eat and liked what he saw. Of course he had seen her eat before but this was in a different light. The way her throat moved as she swallowed, the flick of her tongue when she slurped her noodles and the rosy glow she got from drinking the sake. All of these tortured his imagination, it didn't help that icha icha paradise books did nothing but fuel his thoughts. Hunger satisfied a new hunger began to grow in his lower abdomen no thanks to his cursed thoughts. He adjusted himself to make the strain in his pants slightly more bearable. He cleared his throat before speaking unsure of the way his voice might betray him.

"The way you handle your liquor." He said raising another small cup full and downing it again. To which she matched the gesture.

"How's that then?" She said gazing at him through her heavy lids.

"Very…very…well" he said smiling. He watched as a smile spread across her face. A bubble of laughter erupted out of her before she could contain it. Maybe it was the alcohol, but the thought of Tsunade drunk was enough to start off another eruption.

"Oh…sensei…" she said between hiccups "You know her as well as I do," she doubled over clutching her sides. Yes, she was definitely tipsy, she should stop laughing but she couldn't find the stop button.

"You don't have to call me that you know" He moved closer to her and reached out to tuck the rebellious, dizzyingly soft hair behind the delicate curve of her ear. Despite her laughter she could tell the mood had changed. Her heart did a little funny kick. He moved back but was still within arm's reach of her.

"I ceased being your sensei the day you graduated." What? Where did he leave his sanity? Sure he could blame the sake should she flip, but he could hear it at the back of his mind. Whispering to him. He was so close to her now, he could reach out and touch her once again. His palms itched to feel the heat from her cheeks. He looked at her lips those which were so ready to lick off any stray noodles. His growing problem was now painfully throbbing against the constraints of his combats.

"Sensei?" She said blinking her giant green orbs. He slapped a hand on his forehead and ran it through his hair. Why did she have to insist calling him that?

"…Kakashi?" he looked to her, she was looking down her sake kissed cheeks a bright rosy red.

Right, she told herself, that after this evening no more sake. Her heart kept doing those funny little kicks. This was insanity. She felt sweat begin to form on her brow, then she looked up to him. She waited. What was she panicking for? This was Kakashi, same old Kakashi. But what was different. She looked him up and down. He certainly seemed bigger, but that couldn't be it. Could it? She felt her hand reach out and touch his arm. It felt as flesh on a man should, warm and hard, but soft at the same time. Her mind hazed over and she leaned over to him.

This was insanity her conscience told her but it came like a whisper in a tunnel. Far away, and very small. She could smell him now an odd yet nice mixture of the sukiyaki they had and a metallic something. She wondered numbly what that combination would taste like. Before she knew it her lips were on his. Feeling the woollen texture of his mask and sure enough she could almost taste the sukiyaki they ate but there was something else. Not the metallic like before, it must have been the sake. She felt him stiffen and with grim realisation she played back what she just did. She flew off him and got to her feet. About to speak, she felt a heaviness come over her, like she had left her body on the ground and it had finally caught up to her. The room began to tip downwards and she the floor move further away before it came back up to her again slowly. Still a bit shocked from her kiss Kakashi blinked out of his stupor before she hit the ground.

She hung limply in his hold. Like a feather. Skies above! She was irresistible. Shaking his head slowly he chastised himself. Yes she drank like Tsunade, but she also crashed like her too. He should have seen it coming. There was only one option now. He left the meals payment and a generous tip for the poor sod who had to clean up their mess. At the door he looked out to the still pouring rain and thought how Sakura's clothes would be soaked, this soon led to other thoughts which his lower self greedily absorbed. This should be interesting he thought morbidly before taking a chakra infused jump into the bleak curtain of rain.

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**A/N: I apologise to you all for taking so long. I need time to transcribe the hand written work onto word plus make it sound good too. i will begin working on chapter five as soon as i can. I hope you enjoyed this one ^_^ please let me know**

**til next time ^w^**


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